New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
