I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
