please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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