I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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