I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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