like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
