I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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