I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
nutella sex= disaster
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
