I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
