dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
