If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
