pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
