How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
