Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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