There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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