You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
