If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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