Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
