32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
