just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
