Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
