I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
