Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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