Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize