I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Randomize
