At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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