If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
