if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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