You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So much rum. So many feels.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
