if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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