I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
