Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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