yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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