so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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