I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
