i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
