i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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