After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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