tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
