I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
