for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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