I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
