Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
