This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
