mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
