so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
