I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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