So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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