ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
