FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
