I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
