fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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