I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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