call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
