Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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