i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
