I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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