More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize