i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
