Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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