Sry I called you an 8
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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