The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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