I'm drive I can fine osifer
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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