I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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