You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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