Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
