I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
