I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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