I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
