Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
