some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
