Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
