if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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