The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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