I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
