The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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