You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
