Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize