that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I still have a little drunk in my system
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
