She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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