It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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