I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
