Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
