The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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