Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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