Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
