Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
