blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
