Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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