Porn is love you can see.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
pop tarts are not kleenex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
