Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
