I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
