I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
