I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
