Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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