I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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