did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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