I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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