Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
