I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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