There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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