Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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