chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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