My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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