when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
