Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
