you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
