im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize