Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
