Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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