he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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