if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
