I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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