we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
