i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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