he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
