i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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